I really have to learn to use my cell phone for recording stuff. Stuff, like ideas. I think of the most marvelous things to blog about...when I'm driving, when I'm sitting in church, when I'm up singing. Whenever I'm in a situation that I can't write down my ideas. And now.....when I'm settled in nicely ready to write....my brain freezes. Completely. I could blame it on chemofog...but it's been almost 3 years since I finished chemo. The brain does heal itself. So I'm thinking I have to admit that part of it, at least, is simply due to age. There I said it!
Like this morning, I'm looking in the mirror and trying to fix whatever it was that happened with the primer for the eye makeup that I was applying. Little globs of "stuff" appear. Not very attractive "stuff." While cleaning it all off to start over again, I noticed that woman in the mirror. "Who is that old woman looking at me?" Or maybe I should be politically correct and clean up my thoughts to myself about myself. (Do I need to do that?) Probably not, but as a teacher, it's habit.
So, the "elderly lady" in the mirror. What happened? What happened to the face that used to greet me every morning? The face went from Bible School, through a couple of assistant pastoral stints, then to a missions assignment. And a couple of baby boys born. Life in the jungle for a few years. Life in a mile-high city in South America for another year. Steamy jungle; dry mountain air. Then back to the mid-west for a few decades. A few decades of assisting, pastoring, studying, (a bachelor's degree, a master's degree, a Psy.D, a teaching certificate, a couple of endorsements, etc.) a liver donation, breast cancer and chemotherapy. A few side jobs squeezed in there somewhere: immigration counseling, administrative assistant, counselor, emergency room consultant. Always the pastoral work, public school teaching, parenting and grandparenting. I suppose the wrinkles are well-earned. Every dry spot, every scar, every droop and jiggle of skin. All well-earned. All contribute to the look of that stranger in the mirror.
Interestingly, inside I feel much the same. Still have hopes and dreams, things I'd like to accomplish. However, with the miles comes some wisdom, with wisdom, a measure of peace. So....as the cup a friend gave me for Christmas says:
"ALL I REALLY WANT ... IS PEACE ON EARTH AND A CUTE PAIR OF SHOES!!!
or three...!!! (Models: Hubby & Granddaughters, 12-31-08