Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass- it is about learning to dance in the rain.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Finally final

My last surgical procedure is tomorrow morning -- will be finished by noon. I'm already officially in remission. After this surgery, I will be complete -- remade! I didn't think I was terribly anxious about it. But....

Today I really over-reacted with a situation at work. I calmed down fairly quickly, but I was absolutely furious over some information that I hadn't bother to check out yet! Duh! I know better than to take a 13-year old's word for something. He wasn't even deliberately deceitful; he just gave me the final piece and I was missing the middle transaction. I only vented to a few friends via email and quickly sent a correction -- is there a correction to a vent??? Hmmmmm.

Anyway, anxiety. I let my students know that I was having a surgical procedure, that it was minor, that I was still in remission from cancer, etc. I reassured them I'd be back on Tuesday (Thank God! Monday is a holiday)

But one precocious young man says, "But Mrs. Huerta, can't things go wrong, even with a minor procedure?"

"Yes, it could" I responded. "But it won't".

And it won't. I know that. Still, the anxiety lingers. One more anesthesia, one more....

I really freaked when I went for the mammogram this year -- I think it was Saturday, the 18th. I know I waited until the last possible moment...and didn't even put it on my calendar on the computer!! I was so tense that when it was obvious by the technicians manner that everything was fine, I nearly burst into tears. (Last year, I knew just by her manner -- and the three thousand views of x-rays and the ultra-sounds that the radiologist kept sending her back for, that it was very bad news. Her manner was artificially bright, happy. "Well, we'll just take about 100 more routine views. The radiologist couldn't see the last 600 views very well." Right! She probably needs glasses.) I was so braced for the bad news that I nearly fell apart when it was good this year. I suppose mammograms will be tense for me from here until eternity. After all, that is how my cancer was discovered. I was clueless until then.

So...after tomorrow, I have only one more visit to the oncologist -- the hormone treatment may have to be adjusted --then checkups should be??? quarterly?? semi-annually? something like that, for awhile. Whew.

Dodged the bullet this time!



zoe said...

Dear PJ,

Please be tough! Please be healthy again after tomorrow surgery! I mean it, i'm looking forward to your good news thus i love reading your blog so much, i can feel and hear my heart beat was so fast while i was reading your blog it makes me worry till i a bit tearful. I believe the only thing i could do for u is pray...

My dad used to taught me always be "POSITIVE" minded whenever facing problems or even the worst to be expected. negative minded will only cause us fragile and weak...

Btw thanks for all the faithful comments you have write to me i do appreciate so much in fact i seldom replied comments to others since after i received a stranger comments who attack my weakness in english. Somehow after receiving your comments it brought back my confident to blog again...Thanks so much! u are my angel :)

Get well soon! keep blogging as u told me before!


Sarah said...

Prayers for everything to go welsl.

PJ said...

Thanks for your well wishes.

This is the day after surgery...I'm feeling a bit flu-ish, but I guess that's normal. I'm on antibiotic as a precaution and a pain pill. I feel worse today than yesterday afternoon -- I guess the anesthesia has worn off.

This, too, shall pass.

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