Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass- it is about learning to dance in the rain.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Just Thinkin' 'bout things

Deuteronomy 33:25
"As your days, so shall your strength be."
This scripture has always been a comfort to me.
It's a blessing given to the tribe of Asher,
but also a promise from God to be applied to my life.
He gives me sufficient strength for each day.
No matter what!

Yesterday was an interesting day. I managed to mess up on my disability paperwork here at the last minute and had to go see my doctors for re-certification. The questions made me start thinking about this past year and my state of health. Funny. The human psyche likes to forget unpleasantness and goes to great lengths to do so. that I'm feeling so much better than before, sometimes I think I'm really back where I started.

When I had to write it all down on paper, I had to focus on the deficits. The thing that worries me most about going back to work is the cognitive glitches I still have. If I didn't know it were chemo-effects, I'd be headed for the neurologist to see if I had early onset Alzheimers. I still can't multi-task. One thing at a time is all I can manage. At one point, I couldn't put a meal together (cooking requires simple multi-tasking); I can do that now, not as efficiently as before, but I can do it. I still haven't figured out how I can teach a class of 30 14-year-olds and not multi-task. My memory is "iffy" at best. I've always been a certifiable "space cadet", but it's serious now. I also have difficulty focusing on a complicated task. Hmmm. Is teaching complicated? When I mentioned the cognitive concerns to my doctor, he just commented that chemotherapy is very hard on the body. Normal function is supposed to return -- but he didn't say when. Then there's still the hand and foot neuropathy. Most of the time it's just a nuisance, but when I have to climb to the third floor quickly several times a day, and be on my feet all day every day, it's bound to flare up. Oh well. We shall see.

I was thinking that the class I'm taking next week (for four consecutive days) would be a good test of how I'll function in the classroom. But in reality taking a class is much easier than teaching one. But I will see if I can actually function for four full days without the stress of teaching.

I thought I did really well on vacation. For the most part I was my usual self. On the 1 hour hike, I was much slower than usual. I didn't go to the top--which was very difficult for me to accept that I had to stop before getting there! (Thanks Tom for staying with me all the way!) And there were lots of slow days with the girls, swimming and such. Even so, when I got home, I managed to get through a normal Sunday. Then for the next three days, I did very little. I did get pictures posted, but that was about it.

So....I'm going to be very happy to get back to school. I'll be even happier if I'm doing reasonably well after the first 6 weeks. (Report card time is always the most difficult)!! I'll just have to trust the Lord for that strength for each day!

Thanks for your prayers!


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