Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass- it is about learning to dance in the rain.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Just Feelin' Blue

For whatever reason, my old depression has returned these last two days. Maybe a let down from the frenetic activity of the last month, maybe my hormones are returning (not a good thing), maybe an after taste of dealing with a reluctant-to-pay insurance company, or maybe it just is. So I'm outside getting some fresh air and sunshine (always a good thing), reading and writing.
Bob brought home a book for me from his Christian Bookstore run this afternoon. A little Max Lucado book called YOU! God's Brand-New Idea. It looks ready-made to cheer me up. At least it got me thinking about posting something beneficial.

Topic 3, "No Two Alike," says, "Knitted together is how the psalmist described the process of God making man. Not manufactured or mass-produced, but knitted. Each thread of personality tenderly intertwined. Each string of temperament deliberately selected.

"God as creator. Pensive. Excited. Inventive.

"An artist, brush on pallet, seeking the perfect shade.

"A composer, fingers on keyboard, listening for the exact chord."

"A poet, pen poised on paper, awaiting the precise word.

"The Creator, the master weaver, threading together the soul.

"Each one different. No two alike. None identical."

Since I'm feeling blue in general, this afternoon I was driving along thinking about the weight I need to lose and recalling ills and insults that have befallen me and everyone I know. I remembered an incident at a Christian College in which they had a Chanel model (recently converted, of course) come and "teach" the girls about posture and beauty. (Yep! Truth!) She started with a lecture about proportion of body part. (Un-Huh, she did) Then moved to measuring the thighs of the unfortunate girls sitting there, and commenting on each. "You'll need to lose 6 inches on that thigh" etc. Almost none came up to the standard of beauty required by her rules.

So as I'm driving, I'm rehearsing what I would have done had I been there. I'm thinking, "I'd just walk out saying 'You must be dreaming.' For sure I wouldn't sit there!"

But then I remembered the pressure that comes sitting in a group. Suppose I am the heaviest one there. Then I'd worry that they would say after I left. (I do know what it's like to be called "Thunder Thighs") Would I have the chutzpah to walk out? Today. Yes. But this happened fifteen years ago....fifteen years ago to someone else...I only heard about it from my kids. And today I'm really angry! Now that is some bad mood.

But today I'm having trouble with the idea that I am created perfectly for what I have been assigned. Today life seems to make little sense. Today I'm remembering all my failures and failings. Today I'm sure that I'm not even close to fulfilling God's purpose in me. Today.

But scripture says, "You knit me together in my mother's womb. (Psalm 139:13 NIV) He wove all of these elements together to make me who I am.

Have I messed with the design? Today, my brain says that I have messed things up so badly that there is no reparation possible. Scripture contradicts my thoughts. I know which is right.

Jeremiah 29:27 says, "I know the plans I have for you. They are plans for good and not evil." (PJDH translation)

So even today, I trust that God did, indeed, create me with purpose for a purpose. He has a plan for my life and my feelings need to go take a hike!!!

Or sit in the sunshine and read a book! That works too.

Can you believe that God was excited, inventive, exhilarated when he made you? And, don't forget, He can see the end from the beginning. He knew what you would become and he was elated about that! Even if your thighs won't pass the litmus test for a Chanel Model.


Lysa TerKeurst said...

Thank you for your honest and reflective post.

I think ALL women can relate.

I know I certainly can. And thank you for your sweet comments on my site. I almost fell out of my chair when I read about you burrying the cake in the back yard.


thouartloosed said...

A thigh test?! Good grief...
Hope you're feeling better tomorrow.

truth said...

Woohoo! Congratulations!

truth said...

OOops, this was supposed to go under your post about passing your exam.

Flip Flop Floozie said...

GREAT POST!! We have been knitted together by God and YES I think about what if i have messed up God's body that HE has given to me. I guess we just have to lean on Jeremiah and go from there. I keep trying and trying to lose weight...or maybe this is the way I am going to be!! Ya think? I hope that you are not depressed anymore. i know how that is. I don't know your age but if menopause is close well then honey..there is your problem. I had a bad one but Not every one does!! Take care and thanks for stopping by my humble blog!! Sandy

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