I'm a felon!

No! Really! Or does one become a felon only when caught? I haven't been ambushed yet by Clinton and Stacy but I think I qualify! I caught just a few seconds of "What not to Wear" Wednesday night and they found (I quote) "Plastic shoes" in the closet of one of their victims.



"Plastic shoes are only appropriate if you work in a kitchen or a garden," harped Clinton. (And I think he named one more place...or was that Stacy.)

I gasp. Devastated. Wounded to the core.

But wait!!! I am working in a kitchen AND a garden...this summer. Okay that covers my fashion conscience until fall. But what will I do when school starts?

Does a Middle School count? It should. Only God knows what kind of things we might have to step in/over at school. It's hazard duty. Surely my very favorite shoes are needed to negotiate my way down those hallowed halls of education....kind of like "Halls of Montezuma" (Semper fie!)

The things one has to endure!

"Mrs. H, why is your hair frizzy today?" (uuh...I forgot the conditioner?)

"Mrs. H, why are there white circles under your eyes?" (uuh...I over did the concealer for the dark shadows?)

"Mrs. H, why is one sock navy and the other black?" (That's easy. I got dressed in the dark! It's Dec 19th and I had a 7 AM meeting!)

"Mrs. H, you look sick today." (Thank you. I AM sick today.)

So when a 14-year old writes in my yearbook, "Mrs. H. Your shoes are legit."

I ask, "Is legit good or bad?"

"Oh, definitely good. You have cool shoes," she replies. And with one remark she makes up for all the unintentional barbs this year from 14-year olds who haven't yet grown a filter between their brain and their mouth. If they think it; they say it.

And now I discover that my "legit" shoes make me eligible to be captured by the Fashion Police! Live is so unfair! But Clinton, listen, they are not PLASTIC! I'm just sayin'.

"Crocs are made of PCCR, a closed-cell material that virtually eliminates odour. No one will clear a room with smelly feet if they are wearing a pair of Crocs. The material also discourages sweating, making Crocs even more comfortable.”

Okay. I can't find this quote on the Croc page. It came from a site complaining that they are not "Green" enough. (I have green ones. They are very green...match several of my green tops and provide a nice accent to jeans, too!)

Oye Ve! Now the Green Police will be after me too. That's okay. I have much more egregious habits for them to find. I use lots of paper...especially for students to write essays on. I throw away newspapers, can't stand the clutter. I drive my car to the corner restaurant AND leave it running for five minutes to cool it off first. I've even been known to toss a AAA battery in the garbage can...only after looking both ways. There you have it!

So now, it's a race for time. Who will catch me first? The Fashion Police ala Stacy London and Clinton Kelly? Or the Green Police? If it's the Green Police, at least I will have my felonious Crocs to keep my arches cushioned, my toes aired and maintain a sweat-free environment for my feet.

I think I'm hoping for the Fashion Cops. At least Clinton Kelly and Stacy London are much better to look at than Al Gore!

But if it is the Fashion Police? What shall I do???? May I stash my Crocs at your place so I can still have the $5,000 debit card?!! Help!!!