NOTES FROM THE ROAD

Traveling today is certainly interesting. People in the security line were grumbling. Why do they pick me as a audience? Do I look interested? I feel grouchy and critical.

Random Comments (Is it a conversation if only they are talking?) from travelers or from my brain:

PASSENGER 1

Passenger 1: I'm taking the train from now on. This is the last time I travel by plane. Did you know I'm a smoker?

My thought: Yes. I could smell you a mile way. (But I did grimace at her, which she took as encouragement.)

Passenger 1: I came from California to Dallas, then Chicago, then Philadelphia. Now I came from Philadelphia here to Chicago. I'm going to Dallas and back to California.

My thought: Wouldn't it take, like, a year to do that by train?? And would they really let you smoke in a train? (Aloud) Ah.

PASSENGER 2

(No conversation, just my thoughts). Is that Irene What's-her-face? In her “Granny” character from “The Beverly Hillbillies”!! If I were that woman, I'd cash in my plane ticket and purchase teeth!!! Is that a corncob pipe in her pocket?

(My thoughts on the above comment): PJ, did you really say that? You are not kind to toothless people today. You need to attend sensitivity training for toothlessness.

(My answer to my thoughts about my comment:) I have some appendages missing as well. At least when I go out in public, I fake it. Hence, my difficulties buying a bathing suit this year. Do you know how hard it is to find a bathing suit for “girls” (ala Clinton and Stacy) that don't match—one being a replacement for the missing appendage??? I shall have to find a suitable swim bra for my suit before I venture out in public.

PASSENGER 3

Passenger 3 (Loud enough to be heard by me two rows ahead of her on the plane): I can't believe I'm finally getting home. This has been a 36 hour trip. I was stuck on the runway in Barcelona for 8 hours. Then we were diverted to .... and another 16 hours wait. Then as I was landing my connecting flight took off. Another ?? hours. When I got to Chicago, there was a long line at the desk, so I just went to the front of the line. The attendant said, 'these people are waiting in line.' But I answered, 'they are standby passengers. I'm fully paid and need to get on this flight.'

My thought: Bet they all love you, the FULLY PAID Princess!

Passenger 3: So, I finally got the last seat here. I'm in this row that won't even recline. The next time my boss says to go to Barcelona, I'm gonna say, 'send someone else.'

My thought: Sure, Princess. He'll just keep paying you whether you actually do anything or not. Let some other poor schlob get stuck on runways and miss flights.

Did I mention that travel makes me grouchy and critical of others?!!!